What are they doing here?!!!

On to the next major event of equal importance. I will not use names as all these people are alive and known. We had started going to our new church and I saw someone I thought I recognized. They were a friend of a family member that was involved in my divorce. Wow I bet it just got silent. Yes I am divorced. So lets take a short recess. I do not believe in divorce I do not believe it is biblical in fact Jesus clearly states in Mark 10:5 "because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept". So because of our hard hearts. I also believe it takes two. It takes two to make a marriage work and it takes two to make a marriage fail. Right? Wrong! It takes two to make it fail it takes three to make it work. You must have God in your relationship. You must have a guideline a ruler a standard and that is the Love that God is. 1 Cor 13:4 - 7says

⁴Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud⁵or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.⁶It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.⁷Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Enough said.

So for the sake of ease lets call the woman Jane and the man John. Jane and John were firends of my family member we will call him Ralph. Ralph came to town and within 7 months I was terminated and kicked out of my house. Did I do things wrong? Yes I definately did. So what then was the problem. I trusted this person with information. I told Ralph things that no one else knew. When I got fired my boss knew things that Ralph knew. He also counselled my wife at the time and told her it was her right to divorce me. Ralph to this day thinks he did nothing wrong. I thought that I had put all this behind me. It was 10 myears ago. That I had dealt with my divorce and all the ugliness and moved on. That is until I saw John and Jane. I made the connection. Jane was talking to my wife. When we got home her and I talked Jane started putting pieces together and said oh so you're Darryls son's stepmom and so on. I was mad, wy did they have to be here. Of all the churches and they have only been there for a little over 2 years. Why this church, why now? It was all ruined!! Then I realized I had not dealt with anything I just pushed it under a rug 10 years prior and now it was all coming out. I hated. I hated them all. They lied they were deceitful they hurt me they..it didn't matter. What mattered was what was I going to do. Would I be obedient to my God who gave his son for me and then he forgave me for being responsible for killing his own son. 

I was still having my quiet time and in the word as well as listening to CD's. Well over the next month not everyday but in close proximity to each other the cd I listened to and the book I was reading in addition to the Bible and the sermon on Sunday were all in the same area. Forgiveness, repentance, regardless of what the other person believes or does we are to forgive. Then It moved into loving those around us not with our love but the love of God. He can love through us if we allow him to. How? By being immersed in his word and in his presence. By believing that his words are true, by faith. I was freed from my hatred and anger. It still makes me uncomfortable to think about and thats ok. If you got into a car accident would it be something you would want to think about? No! The rage and hate are gone and I have forgiven and expressed love and release. I didn't feel the vistory right away but I claimed it right away and I stood on it. How can we expect to be forgiven if we do not forgive.

Love one another as I have loved you - God

The second event

We were sitting again at the revival services and we had sat down after the singing and Doug started preaching. He feels out his sermon as he goes which is fine because he is well versed on his scriptures. So this night he starts talking about the soul man and the spirit man and the flesh and goes into detail as to their interrelation with a relationship with God.
For clarification lets examine a few labels. Labels are funny things. What I label something and what you label it may be different so for the sake of this writing I will state some label that I have come to know. First the flesh well that of course is the shell in which we live a piece of skin with 98 cents worth of chemicals in it. Second the soul. I used to know and speak of the soul as the eternal part of us but in fact it is not it is the essence of who we are, it is our personality. Third is our spirit. This part is the eternal part, the part that never dies. Our mind is inside the soul. The soul and the spirit are attatched to each other and cannot be seperated. Both the soul and the spirit are manifested or made apparent through the flesh. When we die the spirit and soul are freed from the body. The soul is the sinful or carnal part of our being. Our spirit comes alive unto God when we accept Christ as our saviour. That alive spirit is still attached to the soul which lives in the flesh.
Back to Doug. As he spoke he told of the sinful nature of man and he used a visual example he would step to his right and stand in the place of the "soul man" or carnal man and then he would step sideway again to his left and represent the spirit man. As he stepped from side to side he explained that when we are saved we become spiritually alive or alive in the spirit and that our spirit communes with Gods spirit. We still have the option of going over into the soul man but we are still God's possesion. We may decide to openly sin but we are not belonging to the soul man but stepping back into it as he moved from left to right. Many of us have heard the saying that we are sinners saved by grace. Well I heard a new verse. 2 Cor 5:21 For He [God] made Him [Jesus] who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him [Jesus].
Ok so I have heard the verse before but never like it hit me tonight. I am the rightousness of God. WOW!! My mind started working through this as Doug continued. You can choose to live in the flesh and be controlled by it or you can walk consciously in the spirit. I had never heard it this way before. Then it started to come together. If I think I am a sinner then what do sinners do? Well they sin of course but if I am the rightousness of God then well I don't have to sin. Then we got into some more verses (Romans 8: 6 So letting your sinful nature control your mind leads to death. But letting the Spirit control your mind leads to life and peace. Now when we talk about the spirit we are talking about the Spirit of God inhabiting our Spirit and making it new. Then we listen to and our conrtolled by the "Spirit". Now here is where the power comes in. Romans 8:11 The Spirit of God who raised Jesus from the dead, lies in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you. The he demonstrated as I have never heard before. Again I have read and heard this verse read but it never sank in. What does it say? Does it say Christ rose from the dead? Nay it say The Spirit of God, yes the one that hovered over the face of the waters at creation went down to hell because that is where Christ went with the weight of our sins and the Spirit of God entered. Demons splattered against the wall running and screaming as the power of God came down to raise the Son of God. Satan crawling on his hands and knees when just a second ago he thought he had one for Christ himself was there. The Spirit of God then Raised the Son of God to life.
That Spirit lives within you when you take on the new life in Christ. It was sinking in now and I was getting excited. Things that I made excuses for all my life were nothing now. I had the power of the Spirit of God in me. I was ready to step out of that soul man permanently and walk in the newness of the Spirit. And.....I did. I prayed and cast off the old soulish man with his fleshly desires. The lust of the eyes the lust of the flesh and the pride of life. I cast off all those things that bound me some of which had been with me all my life. Now comes the confession. I can confess it because I am now free from it. At the age of 4 or 5 I became sexually active thanks to a babysitters son. I am not crying here or looking for sympathy but an evil entered my life that would manifest itself through lust and pornography for over 40 years. But on this night it died. I buried that old man and I walked in the new man the Spirit man. I would drink occasionally and smoke and I cussed quite a bit. By the power of God yes that Spirit that raised Christ from the dead that lived within me I shook off all those things. I didn't taper off. I dropped them! Flat! Cold! Done! Praise God.  I have since then made some changes in my life. I have given up and when I say given up I mean cut out dependence on or eliminated totally daily coffe, adding sugar to things cut down on white bread, watching tv. I stick to a few clean shows like duck dynasty or pickers. I am cautious not to watch shows that have sexual notes in even to the point of low cut shirts. Why? am I a prude. Well maybe but I do not want my mind to become desensitized again. Stop and look at what you are watching or listening to. Would you want that woman in your house with your husband or that man in the house with your wife? Cast off the old and fill your mind with the good things of God. I do not want to be enslaved to anything. I do not want to "have" to do anything. My last big struggle is my eating which I am working on.
The knowledge of who we are in Christ makes the difference. We are children of the King bought with a high price. The blood of his son. We ARE the rightousness of God and to say we are sinners is to blaspheme what Christ did for us. Yes we may sin but we cannot allow ourselve to practice sin.
Here is the difference. I still sin. For example my child does something I don't want them to and I lose my temper and yell. I sinned I say I'm sorry to God and move on. Practiced sin is what we have to eliminate to be free. For example your wife works late on thursdays so you have a weekly date with your computer and the women of a certain website. you ask for God to forgive you after each incident but you know next week your gonna do it again. That is practiced sin. Satan has you in a snare that you cannot get out of. He will take you deeper and deeper. Get free! Walk in the light.

 

The first significant event. The Kilei syndrome. Kilei my then 6 year old had a chronic cough. she had it for years and had been to more doctors appointments than I can count. Her last few trips were to Galisano childrens hospital. She had been on every medication known to man. some natural som that would produce terrible nightmares. Sometimes she would get relief for a short time and other medicines no relief at all. We had been in the hospital a few times some stay as much as four days. Her cough would be so deep and so hard that she would cry for relief and we would cry for her feeling so helpless. The cough would go away for a while then come back. No ryhme no reason. It wasn't in her chest although it could lead to pnemonia or bronchitis. She could get worked up in gym class and send her into a coughing frenzy even though she had left the house fine that morning.
So here we are at Doug Stanton's first meeting and at the end of the meeting Kilei starts coughing. We prays for a few people and closes the meeting. We came back the next night and I talked to Doug's wife. She assured me that he would probably pray for Kilei that night that he just  closes the meeting early some nights as he feels the Lord lead. We started the meeting that night and when the prayer time came he prayed for a few people as Kiles cough started again as in she was coughing so much it was disruptive. He closed the meeting out again and I felt myself question. I was upset. Why wasn't he praying for her. What was going on why wouldn't God lead Doug to pray for my daughter.
The next night Doug prayed for her a little but to no avail. I questioned my own faith as we sat around the altar while many were getting prayed for. A man that I have seen at the meetings several times came and sat next to me as I wept and confessed to him my doubts and that I don't have the faith to see Kilei healed. He grabbed me by the back of my kneck and loudly said "oh you don't believe that" . He said this is more about you than her. We talked for a short time. My insides were boiling. I was mad! I was mad at him mad at Doug and mad at God. In silence I got in the car quietly putting the children in and making the 25 minute drive home. My wife asked me what is wrong I just said I was tired. I was in fact tired very tired. I was worn out. I have been in Church all my life but this night I was ready to quit and I don't mean stop going to church I mean give up on God. Throw down say no more I have had it. I cannot do this any longer it make no sense none of it. I did not tell this to anyone that night. I went home got in bed and stewed more. I went to sleep finally after silent tears so as to not draw attention from my wife as it was shamful for me to give up and be hopeless.
The next morning I got up and for some reason in my dismal state went up to church locked myself in and poured my heart out to God. In 20 minutes I prayed through and got my joy back. So what changed? My perspective! Kilei is not my possesion she is my daughter given to me to care for from God and to show her all I know. She is God's daughter and if God wants her to cough then I will hold her hand as she coughs if he wants to heal her then he can but God is God and it is not my priviledge to question him. I looked back into the previous night and saw the darkness that surrounded me, The lies of satan to sway me from my path. I went to revival that night and confessed to some what had happened. Doug prayed for me that night and I fell to the ground. The meetings went on and one night while eating dinner at the house Kilei said when that lady screamed at church it hurt my ears. Angie and I looked at each other puzzled. We decided to test Kilei. We stood behind her and talked in a normal voice and asked if she could hear us she said yes. Then I stood 10 feet behind her and whispered and she heard me. We were filled with joy. Kilei had been scheduled in the next week or
so to have permanent tubes put in her ears ( her second pair) and they were afraid she has already suffered hearing loss because of fluid behind her eardrum or up against her eardrum. Angie looked at me and said wellwhat do we do her appointments are all set. I said just call them and say you want her checked because you think something may have changed. Well she did but the receptionist wouldn't settle for a vague reason. So Angie said you won't believe me if I told you the receptionist said try me. So Angie told her of the healing. Kilei went in to get checked and the doctor said after a physical exam well we can probably put tubes in anyway. Then they took Kilei in for a hearing test and she raised her hands when she heard the sounds in the appropriate ear. Then the test was over and the person administering the test accidentally hit another button a button with a pitch that Kilei should not have been able to hear and Kilei raised her hand. The doctor said you heard that. Yes Kilei replied. "there is no way we are putting tube in her hearing is perfect" Praise God for his miracle healing. There is documentation in the doctors office to prove this.

So I realized I needed to change something. I prayed and asked God to help me and guide me in my new venture.. My house is a bit distacting so I started out going up to my church every morning Monday through Friday and spending a few minutes alone praying to God. I stared using a small list of prayer requests as well as praying for my family some missionaries and some thanksgiving. Some days I may walk around the sanctuary others I knelt at the altar and some days I sat. It was a very personal and close time with God that I was experiencing. Some days I would just thank God for all he has done and others weep over people I loved. It took some time for me to work out my personal quiet time with God and I still walk in it daily, making time and doing what God leads.
Here is the important part is that I was faithful. Before I started my "work" day I sarted my day with God. I would get up and get ready help a bit getting the children their drink and breakfast then off I would go. Between 20 minutes to 45 minutes every morning. I could feel the presence of God. I new he heard me and wanted me to make him a priority. It has been almost a year now and I still spend quiet time with him. I recently was talking with a person that just got saved and told him he need to read the Bible and pray daily. His responsed puzzles me still, he said" I don't think I am ready for that. How can you build a relationship with out getting to know the other person. In reading God's letter to us (the Holy Scriptures)we learn who he is and in fact we learn who we are and what we are in the revealing light of his Spirit.Ok so back on track, I would read the Bible when I got home at night. I could feel a chnage in me and I could see it. The next events went kind of fast. A few months later a revival preacher came to town. Doug Stanton. We heard about his meetings and had seen him before. He is truly an exciting man of God that brings the power of God to the meetings. The meetings were each weeknight for about two weeks. We went almost every night. The meetings start out with some upbeat worship music then he gets into Gods word and preaches and teaches and then he will pray for people. People will be delivered from sickness situations etc. It is not uncommon to find yourself on the floor when he is done with you. Two major events took place in these meetings.

Welcome to my blog. Why did I start such a journey? What a bold name, I must have the corner on religion. Surely by reading my blog you will see my amazing spiritual journey and be lifted to the very throne of God by my insight, wisdom and knowledge. Well I wish. In fact I will share my drudgery struggles and pain. My years of being blinded, stumbling and failing. I jot this all down for two reasons. For I myself to see my travels and to share and maybe someone can grab something to help and encourage them.

I am a 48 year old male. Father of 8. 5 natural and 3 adopted adults. I have always worked hard and failed even harder. I will start at the end of the old. April of 2013 A man named Bill who is in charge of a huge area for outreach and church planting stood in the pulpit. This is a man who works where the rubber meets the road. He reaches out and feeds and cloths 27 of the poorest 100 counties in the United States. They are in Kentucky the coal mines that have suffered through the Obama administration. This is the life that Bill knows and the people he loves. He commands my respect with his work. "Every preacher that wants to start churches will go through a personality assesment as well as other computer generated forms of testing", he continues every one of them does not make it in a church plant. I want to know one thing as he looks into our hearts, tell me about your daily experience with God. How much time do you spend in God's word daily. The waves of reality washed over me. I say I am a Christian man. I act like it most of the time. I participate in church and always help wherever needed. Suddenly the old adage came to mind. Being in a hanger doesn't make you a plane any more than going to church on Sunday makes you a Christian. Don't get me wrong I am saved, baptized and forgiven. I pray and read Gods word but not daily. I have not developed a relationship a constant relationship with God my Father.